Building Self Trust
By Suzanna Hanna
Why would I when I so often made poor choices?
What I learned is that self-trust is not trusting yourself to know all the answers, nor is it believing that you will always do the right things. It’s having the conviction you can handle whatever is thrown your way and that you can be kind to yourself in the process.
I realized that once I was able to build self trust, I was able to feel more clear and confident in my decision making, fearing less about making the wrong choice. I also was less attached to the outcome, as I knew that no matter what happened, I would learn, grow and ultimately be okay. I saw that I could not only survive the pain or challenges, but come out the other side with more awareness and clarity. I was also able to speak with more inner authority caring less about what others would think.
With time, I was able make mistakes without the need to punish myself or fall into patterns of deep shame. I could see the benefit of the experience and integrate what it was there to teach me.
How do we build self trust? (these were a game changer for me)
1. Put yourself in your calendar- A great way to build self-trust is to begin making and keeping appointments with yourself. In the same way that you would put a doctor’s appointment on the calendar and find the time to get there, you can put “work out” or “meditation”on your own calendar. This will allow you to look at your schedule when someone asks you to do something else at a specific time you have set aside for your own projects. Keeping appointments with yourself helps you demonstrate to yourself that you are important and trustworthy.
2. Honor commitments to yourself- Another way to build self-trust comes from keeping commitments to yourself. To keep your commitments, begin by looking at your goals and breaking them down into smaller steps, then keeping track of what actually got done. Instead of saying “I will write my book, build my website, or lose twenty pounds,” be concrete and think of smaller steps instead: “I will write one paragraph” or “I will purchase my domain name,” or “I will cut out afternoon snacks for one week.” Bite-size goals are a lot easier to digest.
3. Stay accountable- One way of staying accountable is to make declarations to others you trust and will support you on your journey. It’s harder to break a commitment to yourself when you know others are cheering you on. Out yourself and let them know the typical excuses or barriers that you create that sabotage your follow through and success. That level of vulnerability and honesty is a game-changer.
4. Celebrate your successes- When you meet a commitment or honor a promise to yourself then take time to acknowledge and celebrate it. If you spent an hour writing, maybe you deserve a break for tea or a walk around the block in the sunshine. If you spent 20-30 minutes working out maybe you take a hot luxurious bath.
I hope this helps on your own path toward self trust.
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Walking with you,