Answer the Call
By Suzanna Hanna
Right around my 40th birthday, I remember staring at the ceiling as I laid in my boyfriends bed feeling lost. I had no clue who I was anymore. It felt like I had already lived many lives up until that point but none of it seemed to matter. At that moment I was numb and felt dead inside. I had no idea what to do or where to go. I didn’t see my life with him or without him.
The one thing that I knew for sure was that something needed to change.
I knew I couldn’t go on living like that and I felt an internal restlessness growing inside me every day. I felt a hunger for more, and even though I couldn’t envision it, I held on to the tiny possibility that there was something on the other side of this darkness. That hunger felt like a distant call, beckoning me forward. Of course my mind was bombarded with all the reasons I should stay and let that call go unanswered. I had already been married and divorced, I had other failed relationships, so it was easy for me to conclude that I would end up alone. I also was riddled with guilt and shame. Each day I grappled with that internal conflict; should I stay or should I go? (Hey, isn’t that an old Clash song)?
I eventually did answer the call and I left. It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of courage. But what I do know now is that there are MANY calls in our lives that we have to either choose to answer or ignore. I have felt them in my work, relationships, health, finances and so much more. They can be quiet or loud, but they never seem to go away.
I have come to realize that these calls are the beginning of necessary change.
We may be being called to move away from something or someone or we may be being called to move toward something or someone. Either way, once we choose to answer the call, our lives are forever changed. We fear change because we can’t anticipate the outcome. However, staying put can be riskier than changing it wreaks havoc on every level of our well-being.
If you are at a threshold in your life, here are some signs that you may be being called to create change.
1) You feel restless and hunger for something more.
2) You spend a lot of time dreaming of what “could” be.
3) You have an internal knowing that your life is meant to be more than what it has become (this may be in one area of your life or many).
4) You witness others growing, evolving, and thriving and you yearn for that in your life.
5) You know that something in your life is not as you would desire it to be.
Here is the thing, you are not alone. These calls beckon to all of us throughout our lives. Some we listen to and some we are terrified to answer. The truth is that it takes a willingness to leap into the unknown and navigate the messy middle in order for us to get to the other side.
Answer the call, you will be glad you did.
Walking with you,